I went to work for company A. They changed owners, had a bunch of layoffs, and I lost my job.

Then I went to work for company B. They changed owners, and the entire company was shut down.

Then I went to work for company C. They changed owners and went through 3 CEOs in one and a half years. I was hired by the first CEO, promoted by the second CEO, and fired by the third CEO, who left the company a little after me.

And that is where my story begins. Unemployed again after company C, looking for another job, and filled with unemployment PTSD.

Then a recruiter called me about an open VP of Finance position for a retail company in the greater Los Angeles area. The spirit began to whisper to me that this would be my next position. Normally, I’d be happy, happy, happy with a job offer. But I didn’t want to work for them even though I was unemployed.

Retail can be a brutal place to work. Occasionally, I see a survey of the worst places in America to work, and retailers generally fill up half of the list. However, in an industry with high turnover, the company that recruited me had the largest turnover rate of any retailer in Southern California. I knew just about everyone who had worked at the company at my level over the prior five years; some lasted a week, some lasted 3 months, and a select few lasted a little over a year. In the words of one of my contacts, “This is not the place you enter and expect to retire.”

I had a job offer from a company where I didn’t want to work. But the spirit kept pounding on me that this was my next position. And every time I prayed and meditated about this, the answer came back, “Have faith.” “If you want the greatest blessing, you must make the greatest sacrifice.” It took me years to understand that last impression. Generally, the spirit whispers answers to my prayers with impressions and feelings. These answers were like a sledgehammer. The answers HAD to be very direct for me to accept the position.

I started work. I remember walking into the front door, wondering if I’d been assigned to Hell and told God, “O.K., here I go. I’m following thy will.”

I made it three months.

The owner and I had very different management styles. I could hear him yelling at his team across the hall. At one point, I was in a meeting with the other officers when the owner said, “I want your people to come to me complaining that you’re too hard on them,” and then proceeded to go around the table, finding something unacceptable with the work of everyone there, including me. We had a major conference room down the hall from my office, and I could hear him pounding on the table during his meetings and yelling at the group.

To make matters worse, earlier bad investments created huge cash flow problems. I worked from 7:30 in the morning until 9:30 at night, talking to vendors who wanted money, talking to financial people who wanted money, and answering emails about why payments were months late. I was also told to coordinate layoffs.

After working for them for a little over two months, it was clear this would not work out. I went walking one night to relieve the stress, ended up sitting in a gazebo in an older part of the town, and poured out my soul to God. “Why was this happening again? Didn’t you tell me to go here? Did I not have enough faith? Had I screwed up? If this job comes to an end, no one will get this. Because of so many job changes, I’m sure everyone thinks I can’t hold down a job. This would confirm that. I must be a failure.”

I cannot describe the peace that I felt that night. I felt a comfort wash over me and essentially felt God say something like, “I told you to come to this place. This is between you and me. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. I know you. I know your strengths and weaknesses. I’ll fight your battles. You’ll be O.K.”

Even though I was out of a job, I only felt relief; I didn’t have to deal with all the issues at this company. But I was dealing with more PTSD. My journal entry from this period read, “Talk to me in a couple of years so I can put this in perspective and know ‘how I grew’ from this experience. Right now. This sucks.”

Now, more than a decade later, these are the two lessons I learned from this experience.

One. Even though I was only there for three months, I learned specific tools and lessons that I needed years later when I eventually became a Chief Financial Officer. One of those tools was an increase in grit and resilience.  As Chief Financial Officer, we went through very lean times when COVID hit. I had acquired accounting skills to succeed, but more importantly, I had acquired leadership skills and resilience to lead the team through hard times.

Two. I worry less about the outcome and more about being diligent. Yes, I still have goals I want to achieve. But my focus is on putting one foot in front of the other. Just keep going. Just keep improving and leave the timing to God.  My meditation practice helps me to “be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). My focus is also on becoming, on improving. God cares more about us becoming like him rather than some measure of worldly success. He cares more about molding our hearts and behaviors. With that as the standard, many of our failures are really victories.

The artwork is called “Borne and Carried” and is used by permission from Eva Koleva Timothy